Statesville vigil shines light on domestic violence

In the first 10 months of 2011, 55 people across North Carolina lost their lives to domestic violence.
Some were adults, most were women, and a few children were among the victims.
For those gathered at Visions Outreach Ministry in Statesville Saturday night, the hope is that by next year, that number will dwindle to zero.
The faith-based initiative held a candlelight service to mark the close of domestic violence awareness month, to remember those 55 victims and to look for answers to reduce those numbers in the next year.
The service began with a DVD presentation called “Breaking Our Silence,” which showcased an effort in Gloucester, Mass., to bring men together to highlight the problem of domestic violence.
That theme was reiterated by Lt. Bill Hamby, a member of the Iredell County Sheriff’s Office Special Victims Unit, when he spoke a few minutes later.
“To the ladies in the here, I’m sorry,” he said to the predominantly female audience. “Look around. How many ladies do you see here? How many men do you see here?”
Hamby, along with Victoria Harris, community liaison with the Iredell-Statesville Gang Initiative (SIGI) and a representative of the Statesville Police Department, Bishop Sam Thomas and Lisa Moore, a domestic violence survivor, talked about the issues surrounding domestic violence.
One of the most often asked questions, said Visions Outreach Minister Tony Bellamy, is why victims stay in violent relationships.

Moore said there are many reasons — a desire to keep the family together, financial issues or the fear that leaving will prompt a final act of violence – homicide.
She said victims also become adept at trying to make things work. “You make it make sense,” Moore said.
She said another problem is many victims don’t realize there are resources to help them escape. “I navigated the system on my own,” she said.
That is one of the reasons, Moore said, she is speaking out about her experiences so that others do know there are options. She said she didn’t realize My Sister’s House, the battered women’s shelter in Iredell County, was a possibility because she had a job, was financially stable and owned her car. “I didn’t know they would help people like me,” she said.
Moore said she was thrilled to see the DVD of the action in Gloucester and wants to see the same thing happen here. “I would love to see a bunch of men march down Brown Street,” she said.
Bellamy and Thomas also discussed the role of the church in dealing with domestic violence.
“It’s a travesty that the church has not been more involved. These people are sitting in your sanctuary, tithing to your church. The church has not been aggressive enough on the situation,” he said. “We need to hear more from the pulpit. We need to invite officers and victims to share their stories.”
Thomas said the victims of domestic violence are not just women. “Men can be victims too, and we need to educate them to tell their stories,” he said.
Bellamy added that domestic violence has long been a taboo subject in the church. “We don’t talk about it but we’re going to talk about it now,” he said. “It happens from the pulpit to the door and there’s no excuse for it.”
Too often, Bellamy said, the advice from church leaders is to go home and pray about it. “We are sending them into harm’s way,” he said.
The most important part of service came at the end, when audience members listened as the 55 names were read, and held candles to remember those victims.
Bernadeane Moten said there was significance in the purple satin table cloth that covered the table at the front of the room, and the other purple cloths throughout the sanctuary.
The satin cloth, she said, serves to cover up the dents and dings in the table. The other cloths being used were torn, frayed on the ends. She said those cloths represented the 55 names on the list and others enduring domestic violence.
“They’re going to end up frayed, torn up,” she said.
She said the candles represented more than just the 55 victims. Moten said they represent a hope for a better future – a future in which there are no names on that list.
Bellamy said the candles represent light. “The light represents life. I encourage you to do what you what you can about the issue of domestic violence,” he said.