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<title><![CDATA[Statesville.com: Columnist Bill Mitcham]]></title>
<link>http://www2.statesville.com/content/list/lifestyles/family/columnists/mitcham/</link>
<description><![CDATA[Statesville.com: Columnist Bill Mitcham]]></description>
<language>en</language>

<item>
<title><![CDATA[The chemistry of love: How 'falling' affects us]]></title>

<link><![CDATA[http://www2.statesville.com/content/2009/oct/22/chemistry-love-how-falling-affects-us/lifestyles-relationships_special_occasions-parenting/]]></link>


<guid><![CDATA[http://www2.statesville.com/content/2009/oct/22/chemistry-love-how-falling-affects-us/lifestyles-relationships_special_occasions-parenting/]]></guid>

<description><![CDATA[Most married people look back on the early days of their relationship with nostalgia. To be "in love" is a natural high. You feel like the world is suddenly safe and the future is brilliantly hopeful and exciting. 
]]></description>
<pubDate><![CDATA[Thu, 22 Oct 2009 00:00:00 EDT]]></pubDate>
</item>

<item>
<title><![CDATA[Building a stronger family through shared time]]></title>

<link><![CDATA[http://www2.statesville.com/content/2009/oct/15/building-stronger-family-through-shared-time/lifestyles-relationships_special_occasions-parenting/]]></link>


<guid><![CDATA[http://www2.statesville.com/content/2009/oct/15/building-stronger-family-through-shared-time/lifestyles-relationships_special_occasions-parenting/]]></guid>

<description><![CDATA[Do the math. How much actual time do you spend as a couple, as a family? How much one on one time do you spend with each child? 
]]></description>
<pubDate><![CDATA[Thu, 15 Oct 2009 00:00:00 EDT]]></pubDate>
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<item>
<title><![CDATA[Are you low or high maintenance?]]></title>

<link><![CDATA[http://www2.statesville.com/content/2009/oct/08/are-you-low-or-high-maintenance/lifestyles-relationships_special_occasions-parenting/]]></link>


<guid><![CDATA[http://www2.statesville.com/content/2009/oct/08/are-you-low-or-high-maintenance/lifestyles-relationships_special_occasions-parenting/]]></guid>

<description><![CDATA[Spouses come in two models. One is low maintenance and the other is high maintenance. Which one are you and how do you think your marriage partner experiences you? ]]></description>
<pubDate><![CDATA[Thu, 08 Oct 2009 00:00:00 EDT]]></pubDate>
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<item>
<title><![CDATA[Facets of marriage nurture each other]]></title>

<link><![CDATA[http://www2.statesville.com/content/2009/oct/01/facets-marriage-nurture-each-other/lifestyles-relationships_special_occasions-parenting/]]></link>


<guid><![CDATA[http://www2.statesville.com/content/2009/oct/01/facets-marriage-nurture-each-other/lifestyles-relationships_special_occasions-parenting/]]></guid>

<description><![CDATA[Last week's article explored the three ways couples have entered into a marriage relationship throughout history. The three doors were a public wedding (legal), falling in love (personal) and sex (physical). Today, we will look at the three corners of the triangle to see how each one supports 
marriage. 
]]></description>
<pubDate><![CDATA[Thu, 01 Oct 2009 00:00:00 EDT]]></pubDate>
</item>

<item>
<title><![CDATA[Understanding the 'marriage triangle']]></title>

<link><![CDATA[http://www2.statesville.com/content/2009/sep/24/understanding-marriage-triangle/lifestyles-relationships_special_occasions-parenting/]]></link>


<guid><![CDATA[http://www2.statesville.com/content/2009/sep/24/understanding-marriage-triangle/lifestyles-relationships_special_occasions-parenting/]]></guid>

<description><![CDATA[If you draw a triangle on a piece of paper and on the top point of the triangle write "wedlock" and on the left side write "love" and on the right side write "sex," you have the marriage triangle. Wedlock is the legal side of marriage. Love is the personal component and sex is the physical facet.
]]></description>
<pubDate><![CDATA[Thu, 24 Sep 2009 00:00:00 EDT]]></pubDate>
</item>

<item>
<title><![CDATA[It's OK to not fix everything]]></title>

<link><![CDATA[http://www2.statesville.com/content/2009/sep/17/its-ok-not-fix-everything/lifestyles-relationships_special_occasions-parenting/]]></link>


<guid><![CDATA[http://www2.statesville.com/content/2009/sep/17/its-ok-not-fix-everything/lifestyles-relationships_special_occasions-parenting/]]></guid>

<description><![CDATA[If you are like me, you have a long "to do" list for the house or apartment you occupy. Some of mine include a burner on our stove that will not work, a faucet that leaks, half of the family albums unlabeled, a kitchen floor that needs cleaning and polishing ... I could go on and on. However, with all these "unfinished problems," we still manage to enjoy the house and yard. Most days are pleasant and enjoyable despite those lingering "problems" that need attention.]]></description>
<pubDate><![CDATA[Thu, 17 Sep 2009 00:00:00 EDT]]></pubDate>
</item>

<item>
<title><![CDATA[The need for adult attachment]]></title>

<link><![CDATA[http://www2.statesville.com/content/2009/sep/10/need-adult-attachment/lifestyles-relationships_special_occasions-parenting/]]></link>


<guid><![CDATA[http://www2.statesville.com/content/2009/sep/10/need-adult-attachment/lifestyles-relationships_special_occasions-parenting/]]></guid>

<description><![CDATA["Failure to develop a satisfying intimate relationship with one's marital partner has been the single most frequently presented problem in therapy." This is a quote from Greenberg and Johnson, in their book, "Emotionally Focused Therapy for Couples." 
]]></description>
<pubDate><![CDATA[Thu, 10 Sep 2009 00:00:00 EDT]]></pubDate>
</item>

<item>
<title><![CDATA[The impact of parenting styles on children]]></title>

<link><![CDATA[http://www2.statesville.com/content/2009/jun/05/impact-parenting-styles-children/lifestyles-relationships_special_occasions-parenting/]]></link>


<guid><![CDATA[http://www2.statesville.com/content/2009/jun/05/impact-parenting-styles-children/lifestyles-relationships_special_occasions-parenting/]]></guid>

<description><![CDATA[In the first article of this series on raising children, I started out by saying "Parenting is an awesome responsibility." Awesome, that is, because parenting has a lifelong impact on our children. How we manage or mismanage this privilege and responsibility determines the future success or failure of our children. Some children do have mental and emotional disorders that no amount of good parenting can correct. But, in general, children are mightily impacted by parental relationships.]]></description>
<pubDate><![CDATA[Fri, 05 Jun 2009 06:00:00 EDT]]></pubDate>
</item>

<item>
<title><![CDATA[What do your children see when they look in your eyes?]]></title>

<link><![CDATA[http://www2.statesville.com/content/2009/may/21/what-do-your-children-see-when-they-look-your-eyes/lifestyles-relationships_special_occasions-parenting/]]></link>


<guid><![CDATA[http://www2.statesville.com/content/2009/may/21/what-do-your-children-see-when-they-look-your-eyes/lifestyles-relationships_special_occasions-parenting/]]></guid>

<description><![CDATA[Alice Miller is a German psychiatrist who wrote the book "The Drama of the Gifted Child." In her book, she postulates her theory about children and their development. ]]></description>
<pubDate><![CDATA[Thu, 21 May 2009 06:00:00 EDT]]></pubDate>
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<item>
<title><![CDATA[Parents shape a child's identity]]></title>

<link><![CDATA[http://www2.statesville.com/content/2009/may/14/parents-shape-childs-identity/lifestyles-relationships_special_occasions-parenting/]]></link>


<guid><![CDATA[http://www2.statesville.com/content/2009/may/14/parents-shape-childs-identity/lifestyles-relationships_special_occasions-parenting/]]></guid>

<description><![CDATA[A crucible is the container used to prepare metals for their final form. For instance, a metal worker can put raw materials into a crucible, pour the raw material into molds and create useful and beautiful shapes, like the body of a new car or the frame of a new bicycle. 
Have you ever thought about the family as a crucible? When a child is born into a family, the child is unformed and uninformed. Her life will be shaped by the relationships and conversations experienced in the home. ]]></description>
<pubDate><![CDATA[Thu, 14 May 2009 06:00:00 EDT]]></pubDate>
</item>

<item>
<title><![CDATA[Putting children 'in a box' can be helpful]]></title>

<link><![CDATA[http://www2.statesville.com/content/2009/may/07/putting-children-box-can-be-helpful/lifestyles-relationships_special_occasions-parenting/]]></link>


<guid><![CDATA[http://www2.statesville.com/content/2009/may/07/putting-children-box-can-be-helpful/lifestyles-relationships_special_occasions-parenting/]]></guid>

<description><![CDATA[I am sure the title of this article raised curiosity in your mind and led you to ask, "What in the world is he talking about?" I am talking about a mental image of a box as you are looking at each of your children. ]]></description>
<pubDate><![CDATA[Thu, 07 May 2009 06:00:00 EDT]]></pubDate>
</item>

<item>
<title><![CDATA[Children need to learn to resolve conflicts]]></title>

<link><![CDATA[http://www2.statesville.com/content/2009/apr/30/children-need-learn-resolve-conflicts/lifestyles-relationships_special_occasions-parenting/]]></link>


<guid><![CDATA[http://www2.statesville.com/content/2009/apr/30/children-need-learn-resolve-conflicts/lifestyles-relationships_special_occasions-parenting/]]></guid>

<description><![CDATA[When our daughter was around 7 or 8, she got into a conflict with Kenny, the boy next door. He was the brother of our daughter's best friend. 
]]></description>
<pubDate><![CDATA[Thu, 30 Apr 2009 00:00:00 EDT]]></pubDate>
</item>

<item>
<title><![CDATA[Nurturing your child's true potential]]></title>

<link><![CDATA[http://www2.statesville.com/content/2009/apr/23/nurturing-your-childs-true-potential/lifestyles-relationships_special_occasions-parenting/]]></link>


<guid><![CDATA[http://www2.statesville.com/content/2009/apr/23/nurturing-your-childs-true-potential/lifestyles-relationships_special_occasions-parenting/]]></guid>

<description><![CDATA[Have you ever picked up an oak tree acorn, which is about the size of a grape, and pondered the potential within that acorn? Within that little seed is the beginning of a huge oak tree. The acorn merely needs the right nurturing from the nutrients in the soil, water from the rain and light from the sun to be all it can be. ]]></description>
<pubDate><![CDATA[Thu, 23 Apr 2009 00:00:00 EDT]]></pubDate>
</item>

<item>
<title><![CDATA[Techniques to help empower your children]]></title>

<link><![CDATA[http://www2.statesville.com/content/2009/apr/16/techniques-help-empower-your-children/lifestyles-relationships_special_occasions-parenting/]]></link>


<guid><![CDATA[http://www2.statesville.com/content/2009/apr/16/techniques-help-empower-your-children/lifestyles-relationships_special_occasions-parenting/]]></guid>

<description><![CDATA[In last week's article, we covered the concept of "empowerment parenting." This model of parenting involves active involvement and intentional engagement in the life of our children. ]]></description>
<pubDate><![CDATA[Thu, 16 Apr 2009 00:00:00 EDT]]></pubDate>
</item>

<item>
<title><![CDATA[Quality time has real impact on teens]]></title>

<link><![CDATA[http://www2.statesville.com/content/2009/apr/09/quality-time-has-real-impact-teens/lifestyles-relationships_special_occasions-parenting/]]></link>


<guid><![CDATA[http://www2.statesville.com/content/2009/apr/09/quality-time-has-real-impact-teens/lifestyles-relationships_special_occasions-parenting/]]></guid>

<description><![CDATA[When I wore a younger man's clothes, I did a lot of work with youth. I spent many a night in camp and retreat settings, trying to get kids to follow the adult guidelines and expectations for bedtime. ]]></description>
<pubDate><![CDATA[Thu, 09 Apr 2009 06:00:00 EDT]]></pubDate>
</item>

<item>
<title><![CDATA[Try natural, logical consequences]]></title>

<link><![CDATA[http://www2.statesville.com/content/2009/mar/26/try-natural-logical-consequences/lifestyles-relationships_special_occasions-parenting/]]></link>


<guid><![CDATA[http://www2.statesville.com/content/2009/mar/26/try-natural-logical-consequences/lifestyles-relationships_special_occasions-parenting/]]></guid>

<description><![CDATA[In one of the Harry Potter books, Harry is talking to Professor Albus Dumbledore, who gives him some advice about life. He says to Harry, "It is our choices, Harry, that shows what we truly are, far more than our abilities." ]]></description>
<pubDate><![CDATA[Thu, 26 Mar 2009 00:00:00 EDT]]></pubDate>
</item>

<item>
<title><![CDATA[Parents should instill courage]]></title>

<link><![CDATA[http://www2.statesville.com/content/2009/mar/19/parents-should-instill-courage/lifestyles-relationships_special_occasions-parenting/]]></link>


<guid><![CDATA[http://www2.statesville.com/content/2009/mar/19/parents-should-instill-courage/lifestyles-relationships_special_occasions-parenting/]]></guid>

<description><![CDATA[On my back porch deck is a beautiful flowering plant that has at least one hundred blossoms on it. I'm not an experienced grower. I don't even know the name of the plant. It has runners that grew up the post and keeps expanding. I did discover it needed to be constantly watered. When I missed a few days, it began to droop.]]></description>
<pubDate><![CDATA[Thu, 19 Mar 2009 00:00:00 EDT]]></pubDate>
</item>

<item>
<title><![CDATA[Parents' bond impacts children]]></title>

<link><![CDATA[http://www2.statesville.com/content/2009/mar/12/parents-bond-impacts-children/lifestyles-relationships_special_occasions-parenting/]]></link>


<guid><![CDATA[http://www2.statesville.com/content/2009/mar/12/parents-bond-impacts-children/lifestyles-relationships_special_occasions-parenting/]]></guid>

<description><![CDATA[As a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, it is not unusual for a parent to bring a disturbed child to see me because "she needs help." ]]></description>
<pubDate><![CDATA[Thu, 12 Mar 2009 00:00:00 EDT]]></pubDate>
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<item>
<title><![CDATA[Consistency impossible for parents]]></title>

<link><![CDATA[http://www2.statesville.com/content/2009/mar/05/consistency-impossible-parents/lifestyles-relationships_special_occasions-parenting/]]></link>


<guid><![CDATA[http://www2.statesville.com/content/2009/mar/05/consistency-impossible-parents/lifestyles-relationships_special_occasions-parenting/]]></guid>

<description><![CDATA[Pick up any parenting manual and you will see, in various words, one of the cardinal principles of parenting. It may read like this: "Above all, be consistent in disciplining your children." This sounds like a great principle, but the only problem is — it is impossible. This is why I call it a myth. Even God is not always consistent. ]]></description>
<pubDate><![CDATA[Thu, 05 Mar 2009 00:00:00 EST]]></pubDate>
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<item>
<title><![CDATA[How to help lift spirits of a discouraged child]]></title>

<link><![CDATA[http://www2.statesville.com/content/2009/feb/26/how-help-lift-spirits-discouraged-child/lifestyles-relationships_special_occasions-parenting/]]></link>


<guid><![CDATA[http://www2.statesville.com/content/2009/feb/26/how-help-lift-spirits-discouraged-child/lifestyles-relationships_special_occasions-parenting/]]></guid>

<description><![CDATA[If a child is too discouraged, the child will finally adopt an attitude of "I can't do anything right." ]]></description>
<pubDate><![CDATA[Thu, 26 Feb 2009 06:00:00 EST]]></pubDate>
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