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Local rabbi says life can be messy, but happiness is still within reach

By Megan Sprague | Lake Norman Navigator

Published: September 10, 2009

With the High Holidays approaching, Rabbi Michael Shields is spreading the message of "happiness and finding hope in troubling times."

Shields, who leads the Lake Norman Jewish Congregation in Davidson, said that there is a dual emphasis during the High Holidays — "a time for celebration and happiness as the New Year approaches and hopeful that the New Year will be as sweet as the last." He believes the message is applicable to anyone, whether they are Jewish or not.

"It's remembering that we all have a place in this world and that people may be flawed, but it's time for a new beginning, to find the ones we have wronged and to apologize and seek forgiveness," he said.

"It's also time to realize that the community is full of support to ease the messiness of our lives, both the bad and the good. It's good to reflect and turn inward, to be more cognizant of actions that affect other people and be aware of your relationships."

Shields said inner reflection and forgiveness can bring you closer to God.

"There is this image in Judaism that a person is tied to God with a rope, and that every time you sin, the rope is broken," he said. "To re-fasten it, you have to tie a knot, and as we know, when you knot something, you become closer to the other end, and therefore closer to God. It's a good process and something to think about."

The rabbi said he knows it is challenging at this stressful time to seek out happiness, and that it might feel overwhelming.

"The stress is definitely more intense, with people out of jobs and the rising cost of everything, including healthcare," he acknowledged. "But it has been proven in the past that in challenging times, creativity emerges. We've seen it again and again in the Jewish faith. When there is trouble, amazing things will rise from the ashes."

For parents, it can be tough to shoulder the burden if big changes have occurred, but it's important to remember that children might be feeling even more stressed, Shields said.

"It's important that parents show unconditional love, especially now," he emphasized. "There is a 40 to 50 percent divorce rate. Express your love to your kids regardless of your family make-up and give your kids a way to participate and feel like part of the family. As hard as it is for parents to suffer through hardships, it can be harder for children who don't know what to do and feel on the outside."
Shields said parents can help children by making them feel part of the family team.

"If you're having to cut costs as a family due to the economy, make a game out of it with them and say 'Let's see how much we can save by cutting this or that.' It makes them feel as if they are part of the unit and in the fight together," he said. "Kids like to feel useful."

Shields also suggested turning attention not toward material goods or the next thing to check off the list, but to instead focus on time together as a family.

"There will always be adversity, but I think my congregation and the community as a whole is feeling more hopeful lately," he said. "It's also better to talk about what you're feeling, and it's not ever shameful to say, 'I need help' or 'I need to re-structure my life or finances.' "

Many of the sermons Rabbi Shields will give center around turning toward goodness and away from sins, but he will also include another subject that affects a lot of families, and that is domestic violence.

"All of my sermons deal with big issues, and I know a lot of people think it doesn't happen here in the lake community, but it does," he said seriously. "Many don't even want to broach the subject, but that doesn't make it go away. Especially in this stressful time, there is spousal abuse, and abuse of children — one in four women is a victim of domestic violence and that is way too high. It's a struggle and I want everyone to know they're not alone."

Ending on a more positive note, the rabbi said the community needs to embrace the future and whatever comes with it.

"You can't control everything, but be ready," he said. "In Judaism, God is a sacred partner, and I always tell the congregation to pray as if everything depends on God and act as if everything depends on us."