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Facets of marriage nurture each other
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Published: October 1, 2009
Last week's article explored the three ways couples have entered into a marriage relationship throughout history. The three doors were a public wedding (legal), falling in love (personal) and sex (physical). Today, we will look at the three corners of the triangle to see how each one supports
marriage.
At the tip of the triangle of marriage is the legal aspect. This legal component provides protection for the other two parts, love and sex. Love, for instance, waxes and wanes because it is affected by our feelings. Sometimes we feel intense love for our spouse and sometimes we feel anger toward him/her.
Sometimes we want to be hugged, but at other times we don't want to be touched.
Actually, we have more than 238 different feelings we can express. Some can be affirming and some can be ugly, if expressed. The legal contract of marriage gives us wiggle room to work through our feelings rather than pack up after an argument and head for the street. It also protects the sexual expression of marriage, especially for any children who are conceived. The power of the state places the responsibility of the care and nurture of children squarely on both partners.
The love ingredient of a relationship is the part that gives life and vitality to a marriage. The joy and affirmation of being the gleam in the eyes of one's love mate makes going to the daily grind of work more tolerable. Looking forward to the evening, the coming together of two people who love each other, makes the stress of the day melt into a welcome home kiss. To feel loved and appreciated is a primary need and this need can be satisfied in a good marriage.
In his book, "I Married You," Walter Trobisch says, "Marriage needs love. It receives from love its fulfillment, its joy. Love is a gift to marriage. It provides marriage with a spirit of adventure, of never ending expectation. Love is like the blood pulsing through the veins of marriage. It makes it alive."
The third facet of a relationship is sexual fellowship, what the Scriptures call the one flesh expression of marriage ... "and the two become one." Sexual intimacy is love expressed in sexual togetherness, bound together in love and protected by the umbrella of state law. Sexual togetherness strengthens love and promotes faithfulness.
Trobisch likens the physical dimension of sexual expression as a continual renewal of the vows made at the wedding ceremony (legal). The legal aspect protects the personal and sexual parts of marriage. The love aspect gives life and spirit to the sexual and legal facets of marriage. The sexual life of a marriage can create more love and bring joy and fulfillment of children into a couple's life.
Dr. Bill Mitcham is the Director of the Marriage Maintenance Center in Davidson. He can be reached at 704-408-4178 or e-mail bmitcham@bellsouth.net.
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