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Mom's cancer brings family closer together
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Published: November 1, 2009
Many moms look forward to a romantic dinner on Valentine's Day, complete with roses, champagne, and a night away from the kids.
Wendy Pittmon of Cornelius opted to let her kids shave her head instead.
Who would have thought breast cancer could help create a positive holiday memory? But the disease can turn families upside down in both expected and unexpected ways.
Most women have read the statistics.
According to the American Cancer Society, there are more than 2.5 million breast cancer survivors in the United States. What isn't tracked is how many of them are daughters, aunts, grandmothers, nieces and moms. At that point, it's no longer a number, but rather a woman, her family and their story.
Pittmon was diagnosed with breast cancer in November 2007 after discovering a lump during her annual OB/GYN exam. A mammogram, followed by a biopsy, confirmed two tumors in her left breast.
"My initial reaction was disbelief," Pittmon said. "I really thought it was a mistake. But after the reality set in, I went into fighting mode, gathering all the information I could to make decisions about my treatment."
She had a mastectomy on her left breast and began four months of chemotherapy treatments.
The initial mammogram showed a spot on her right breast, too, so after healing from the chemotherapy, Pittmon chose to have a mastectomy on her right breast.
She is currently in remission and her reconstructive surgery is complete.
'Are you going to die?'
When she shared the diagnosis with her children, Tanner confided his worry that his mom would die.
"I reassured him we were going to be OK, that we're strong and could get through the experience and learn from it."
Skylar, who was going through the early stages of puberty, became fearful about growing breasts. Pittmon was open about breast cancer and often brought her daughter to doctor visits. She completed genetic testing to confirm whether or not she carried the BRCA1 or BRCA2 genes, which have been linked to breast cancer. Children face greater risk of developing breast cancer if the genes are carried in their family.
Pittmon's test results were negative.
Rose Steele, counselor at Woodland Heights Elementary School in Mooresville, suggests parents tell their children sooner rather than later about an illness.
"The truth is usually less frightening than what (the children) might imagine," she said. Steele also suggests that parents let kids know if they're scared and sad, because doing so gives kids permission to share such feelings.
Pittmon's Valentine's Day head-shaving party was held four days after her father, whom she describes as her rock, lost his battle with leukemia.
"I thought I was going to be so upset about my bald head," she said. "But when I looked in the mirror and saw I was the spitting image of my dad, I couldn't help but smile."
Like many cancer patients, Pittmon admits the hardest part of the journey was the chemotherapy. She opted for an aggressive treatment regime that caused fatigue, weight gain and temporary memory and concentration loss.
But through the gray clouds, silver linings emerged: The experience helped her children learn to love and respect people regardless of a disability or sickness.
"They witnessed the good and bad reactions of others, but recognized that despite the bald head and other physical changes, Mom was still the same on the inside."
The illness allowed Pittmon to take a good look at the priorities in her life.
"Urgencies that others tried to put on me didn't matter anymore," she said.
Instead of tackling home-improvement projects, she and the kids are opting to take yearly vacations.
In her eyes, the most important lesson was learning to accept help from others, a difficult task for an independent, single, working mother of two.
"Tanner and Skylar became my caregivers," she said. "I quickly realized I needed help from people, and was very blessed with an amazing support system of family and friends, even unconditional support from people I didn't know."
Pittmon says she feels almost fortunate to have had breast cancer.
"(Breast cancer) gave me the opportunity to personally witness the good in people. My goal is to help others receive the same love and support given to me during my time of need."
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