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Caring for an ailing parent
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Published: May 21, 2009
Due to the ravages of Alzheimer's disease, the memories of several of my friends' mothers and fathers have started to fade away. Lost with them has been their ability to care for themselves. Now, my friends have to add the daily care of another person to their list of responsibilities.
Meals are forgotten, medicine goes untaken, laundry is left undone — every detail once taken for granted from brushing teeth to paying bills is now on someone else's mental to-do list.
One friend finds herself giving her mother and her 3-year-old the same reminders about using the bathroom and grabbing a coat before leaving the house.
Another friend's daughter ended a recent visit with her grandmother in tears, heartbroken that the woman who had loved her for years now has no clue who she is.
It's a situation I have seen in my family for generations. My grandmother cared for first her father and then her mother. I can rememeber my great-grandmother asking again and again where her husband had gone. Even as a child, it made my heart ache.
Years later, I watched my dad care for his father as he suffered from Parkinson's disease and dementia. On one of my last visits with my grandfather, someone had brought him to sit outside on the porch, and I was able to let my then 6-month-old son sit on his lap. They sat there, Gramps and my son, as he must have held me decades before. It is a rare happy memory from a very sad time.
Unlike the hard work of parenting, there are far fewer joyous and rewarding moments in caring for an aging loved one. I consider myself very blessed not to have to face that challenge myself, and have so much respect for those who do so. It is an amazing gift of grace and service.
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