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What's in a name?
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Published: May 13, 2009
My husband and I are about to make a decision that will ultimately dictate another human being's entire identity.
We are about to choose our new daughter's name.
It's a lot of pressure, and plenty of people have epically failed at the task. (Diva Thin Muffin? Really, Frank Zappa?)
There's quite a bit to consider. This name will stick with her through grade school, college, her career and retirement.
We have to consider any detrimental nicknames or scandalous monograms. Then there's the popularity factor – having grown up a Jessica in the '80s I know how irritating it can be to have a popular name.
What if her name doesn't fit her personality?
Do we go traditional or modern, or find a mix?
Will we hurt Grammy Queen's feelings if we name her after Grand Bumps?
My dad told me the nickname is more important than the real name. Not so fast, Pops. I'm pretty sure she won't write Peanut Norman on job applications.
There are names that sound beautiful but have bad connotations. Some of the Bible's most undesirable female characters have melodious names that are permanently soiled.
All eyes are on us and our impending decision.
The first question is always, "When are you due?" No. 2 is "Do you know what you're having?" No. 3 always follows: "Have you picked out a name?"
I've heard you can't leave the hospital without naming the baby.
I daydream about a burly woman blocking the hospital exit with a Social Security form and birth certificate under her arm, smacking her pen in her palm and staring us down as we frantically search for the secret escape hatch for our nameless bundle of joy.
It's the first of many decisions we will make as new parents – and the deadline approaches.
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