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Little hurts can actually help
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Published: March 26, 2009
There are so many teachable moments in parenting — chances to gently (or not so gently) shape your kids' view of the world and others.
From the way they treat their friends to how they act when you're not watching, a parent's reaction can have a big impact on their children's behavior.
Lately, I've started to wonder how to know when it's time to step back and let life do the teaching. After all, lessons learned the hard way are often the ones that leave the biggest impression.
On a recent afternoon, my son and one of his best friends got into a little argument — nothing major, but to an 8-year-old, even the smallest injustices can seem like a very big deal.
Hearing the raised voices and seeing the hurt expressions, my first instinct was to referee — you know, the whole "use-your-words; find-a-compromise; say-you're-sorry" strategy. Make sure no one's feelings got hurt.
But for some reason, I didn't. Instead, I told them to talk to each other and work it out.
So, Josh got to hear exactly how his actions had made his friend feel (in unfiltered kid speak), got his feelings hurt and then had to work out a solution on his own.
What they eventually came up with wasn't necessarily "fair" — one got his way, and one didn't.
Isn't that how life is, though? There isn't always a mommy waiting in the wings to make sure everything comes out equal at the end of the day.
Within minutes, the boys were totally absorbed in their game and were back to being best friends, proving the sting of hurt feelings doesn't last nearly as long as the lesson of how to be a good friend.
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