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Natural reactions are sometimes the best
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Published: June 21, 2009
Were my eyes deceiving me or did I actually see a man get out of his red convertible with the top rolled back and press his automatic key to lock it? What was he thinking? He wasn't. It was an understandable conditioned reaction that comes from inner depths of the human brain — a rote, involuntary reaction.
Many of our behaviors and responses are caused by certain stimuli — learned behaviors that are indoctrinated in us because of routines, compulsions or fears. We're only human after all, which makes it all acceptable. We have reflex reactions that cause us to blink our eyes before the dreaded puff of air during an eye exam. We must be subconsciously afraid that it will shoot through the sclera, puncture the retina and then on to sideswipe our brains? (Or is that just me?) Or how about the female reflex of grabbing for your lipstick the instant a meal is over in order to "freshen up"? (Or is that just me?)
We give credit to Pavlov and his dog's saliva for the concept of classical conditioning. However, the honor for this study should be shared with another relatively unknown man, Edwin Twitmeyer. (Perhaps that name was holding him back.) He was a psychologist who did an interesting study, as well. He studied the knee-jerk reaction using a small hammer that he used to strike a person's patellar tendon. He sounded a bell beforehand as a warning. One day, he accidentally hit the bell. The hammer did not drop, but the person's knee jerked anyway. The subject said it was an involuntary reaction.
So, the ultimate understanding and explanation for our rote conditioned behavior began innocently in a lab by a man named Twitmeyer, a hammer and an accidental goof-up. We are all essentially trained in some way or another.
Classical conditioning can also manifest itself in a complete role reversal. My mother's dog has trained "her." She has been disciplined to give him a dog treat every time she walks past the bag of yummy treats. He barks incessantly until she relents. My suggestion: Hide the bag of treats.
Sometimes the words we use often can become words that flow naturally. How about the ingrained, rote prayers that are said to bless our food? God is great. God is good — words that flow naturally.
A lawyer friend of mine was asked to say the blessing at a large family Christmas dinner. With work still having an obvious hold on his mind, he naturally began with, "Your honor…" Of course, the family continues to laugh about it to this day.
When my sister first began dating someone seriously, he invited her for dinner with his family. His family had the great gift of being able to pray "off the cuff" in their own words. They asked my sister if she would say the blessing. She was so used to the easy, rote, but effective blessing, "Come Lord Jesus our guest to be … But on this special day, she decided to try her hand at her own words of gratefulness. She was doing a fine job, but as she neared the end, that elusive word, "amen" escaped her. She frantically searched for a way to bring it to the forefront and end the pickle in which she found herself. In only the way that Elvis Presley could say best, she closed with, "And so thank you very much." Everyone burst out laughing and it took the edge off the whole visit. She married this man and they laughed about it for years to come. Habits can have a way of backfiring. But, for the price of humor, this one was OK. I think God was probably smiling, too.
Now I'll fess up to one of my rote, semi-compulsive habits. It originated in childhood and has continued to this day into my relatively mature adulthood. I love to eat the colored marshmallows in Lucky Charms cereal and bypass the cereal altogether. Those green clovers and purple hearts are just too enticing to resist. There — I said it. My boys would always accuse me of stealing the marshmallows when they would pour a bowl for themselves and only have cereal — no colorful clovers and hearts — absconded by mom once again.
We can laugh at our behaviors that are rote, conditioned and compulsive. But I suspect that Twitmeyer and Pavlov could never scientifically be able to evaluate the complex matters of the heart — nor should they try. There is no kind of science that could explain the emotion of love and the stirrings in our hearts when we care and are genuinely interested in another's well-being. The most comfortingly beautiful words that should be habit-forming and second nature are, "I love you."
And the finely tuned, gut response from the heart and soul is, "I love you, too!"
Ahh — the most enchanting words in any language that makes everything all right for all of us humans. Even for a mom who steals green clovers and purple hearts out of the Lucky Charms.
Hunter Darden is an award-winning author of seven books, humor/inspiration newspaper columnist and public speaker. She lives in Statesville. Her Web site is www.booksbyhunter.net.
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