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The history of marriage isn't filled with love
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Published: January 15, 2009
Tina Turner's song, "What's Love Got to do With it?" is an important question when we look at the history of marriage.
Many people may not realize that the modern "love-based" marriage — where couples "fall in love" and get married — is a relatively new marital phenomenon. Until the late 18th century, most societies around the world involved more than "the two individuals in love" in the decision to marry.
For thousands of years, marriages were arranged by the parents of the bride and groom. It was a business transaction in many cases. The parents of the male or the male himself would pay a dowry to the woman's family. The dowry, an exchange of valuables, was quite common. Sometimes, in very wealthy families, the bride would come with a dowry.
During the Middle Ages through the 18th century, couples who married in Europe would receive land, huge amounts of cash and other valuables — perhaps the biggest business transaction a man would ever acquire. It was a way to keep money in the family. A marriage during this period was a marriage between two families; whether the couple was romantically in love wasn't even considered. They believed if a couple had a good financial base when they married, they would eventually come to love each other.
Other cultures even believed romantic love between a husband and wife could get in the way of more important societal issues, such as loyalty to one's extended family.
In ancient India, the idea of falling in love before marriage was seen as a threat to the stability of marriage. The Greek culture in medieval times considered romantic love or "lovesickness" as a form of insanity. The Hindu tradition taught "First we marry, then we'll fall in love." They did not consider love and sexual attraction as valid reasons to marry, as we do today.
Political strategy has also been behind many marriages in ancient kingdoms. Two powerful leaders would arrange a marriage between their children as a way of increasing the size of their armies for protection and acquiring additional land and wealth. Love generally had little to do with marriages designed to accomplish a political goal. History is full of these strategic marriages.
Love-based marriages have only been around for a couple hundred years. They reached their peak in the 1950s and 1960s and were portrayed in the early television series, Ozzie and Harriet and Leave it to Beaver.
There are very few people around who haven't bought into this "new" concept of marriage, as the decision of two people in love. However, you don't have to be married long to find out that love is great and romance is delightful, but it takes more than love to make a marriage work.
There is still a business side of marriage. There are mortgage or rent and car payments. There is a need to educate and discipline children. There is a relational aspect of marriage. In-laws and extended family are a vital part of a stable marriage and developing positive relationships affects the quality of a good marriage.
Dr. Bill Mitcham is the Director/Therapist at The Marriage Maintenance Center in Davidson. He can be reached at 704-408-4187or e-mail at bmitcham@bellsouth.net.
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