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'Family game' gets us talking

By Amy Fuhrman | Lake Norman Navigator

Published: April 16, 2009

Every night, around the dinner table, we play a "family game."

This new tradition, born from a desire to help my two boys think more about others and less about themselves, has quickly become one of the best moments of each day.

We take turns picking what game we will play. There aren't many rules, but the game has to be some sort of "conversation" game, something that engages you with the other people at the table.

The first round, a couple of months ago, was started by me. I had each person at the table describe something they liked about the other members of our family.

Here's what we got:

The 4-year-old told his brother he liked him because he played with him.

And the 8-year-old returned the compliment by saying that what he liked best about his little brother was "when you act like me."

So, clearly, we had some work to do. At first, they didn't seem to get it. But over time, their answers to the questions have become more thoughtful and we have all started to learn more about each other.

Over the Easter holiday, we had the chance to expand the game to include my parents and brother, and it was a great opportunity for the boys to quiz their relatives about favorite places they'd visited and past adventures they'd had.

The best part is, it works both ways. The boys are able to share what's really important to them, and tell the grown-ups about their own adventures and likes and dislikes — and everyone listens. There are no TVs or cell phones, and only one person speaks at a time. I can't think of a single other moment in our day — other than when we're all asleep — that we have that kind of focused attention for each other.

Sometimes the games are silly — "Guess the Vegetable" comes quickly to mind — but they're always fun and get us past the "How was school?/What did you learn?/Work was OK" conversation that seems to drag us back into the day's stresses sometimes.

And my kids now know that their grandpa once wrestled an alligator and their dad once flew an airplane.

It doesn't get much cooler than that.