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Will pessimism or optimism rule the day at Disney?

By Joe Melton | Statesville R&L

Published: April 9, 2009

Bill Watterson, creator of Calvin and Hobbes (the absolutely-hands-down best comic strip ever), once said: "I find my life is a lot easier the lower I keep everyone's expectations." I agree.

I'm a happy, contented person, but at the same time I have bit of the Cassandra in me that often expects the worst. You'd think that would keep me unhappy but, paradoxically, it doesn't. Perhaps, similar to Watterson's sentiments, I'm happy because, as a pessimist, if things don't work out the way I expect, I'm pleasantly surprised.

Next week, my family is going to Orlando, Fla., for spring break. Four parks in five days: Sea World, Universal Studios, et al. My wife has spent a lot of time planning this trip for us, and we are all looking forward to it with great expectations.

But, as usual, I'm tempering mine with a dose of Watterson. I hope for an enjoyable trip, unmarred by significant episodes of unpleasantness, but I'm not holding my breath. My wife, always the optimist despite having been married to me for 20 years, is expecting an idyllic trip.

Which will it be? I agreed to momentarily curtail my doom-saying, and we listed our expectations for the trip so we could measure them against the eventual reality. Cary Anne hopes our expectations and the reality will match closely; I hope I'll be pleasantly surprised. Either way, I'm sure this will be an interesting trip, as are all trips with two young children. If none of our expectations are met, at least others may find amusement in our suffering.

Here, then, are a few of our great expectations:

• We expect our flights to be only slightly delayed. Slight delays are acceptable. We do not, after all, have a connecting flight, and our kids do like the bustle of an airport.

• We expect our children to be well-behaved on the flight. They may talk with us, read or color, or enjoy the unobstructed view out the window seats we're sure to get.

• We expect our children to be happy, pleasant and cooperative during at least 90 percent of the trip. Exceptions will last longer than five minutes and shall not include crabbiness, grumpiness or petulance.

• We expect our children to stay within their souvenir budget, and not whine unceasingly for us to "just get this one more thing," which will eventually cause me to lose my temper and confiscate the purchases they've already made, causing additional whining thus creating an unstoppable cascade of threats and complaints. Not that I speak from experience. …

• We expect our children to realize that water fountains exist, are plentiful, and are free.

• We expect all animals we meet to be awake, friendly, entertaining and educational. But not reproducing.

• We expect our children to view this trip as an educational opportunity, and to broaden their knowledge of the world around them.

• Line waits will not exceed 25 minutes.

Check out this column in two weeks for a reality check on how things went.