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Don't let an angry outburst define you
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Published: October 2, 2008
Earlier this week, I was talking with the manager of a local convenience store during the gas shortage. I asked about any rude behavior his staff had endured.
Customers were spitting and swearing at the clerks, blaming them for the shortage, and one angry fellow even threw a trash can against the store's glass window. Fights between customers in the parking lot were daily events.
I paused in a moment of embarrassment, when the words of Winston Churchill came to mind: "A man is about as big as the things that make him angry."
How Big Are You?
With Churchill's quote as a backdrop, let's look at anger, both good and bad.
Good, you ask? Yes, anger can be constructive.
Have you ever been angry with yourself? I know I have, countless times. Anger is an amazing impetus toward self-improvement. It can be that kick-start to losing weight, going back to college or getting your rear in gear for a lifestyle or habit in desperate need of change.
But anger can be deadly. It ruins reputations, evaporates friends, alienates spouses. When you give in to anger, you lose.
That's also true in business. There have been times I've been so mad at someone that I could kick them into next Tuesday. But professionals withhold angry outbursts and apply measured responses. It doesn't mean you're not angry, it's all in how you control it.
So What Is Anger?
W. Doyle Gentry, Ph.D., author of "Anger Management For Dummies," offers this solid-gold definition:
"Anger is part of the survival mechanism of human beings. When faced with a threat — not unlike other animals — humans either run away or attack. Anger is the fuel behind that attack."
Interestingly, Dr. Gentry finds that men have more intense anger than women, but women hang on to it longer.
So back to the gentlemen at the gas pumps engaged in a fist fight. They are reacting when their best approach is responding. What's the difference?
Dr. Gentry tells us that reacting means impulsive, with an animal fury, being out of control.
Responding is thoughtful, deliberate, measured, in-control action.
Listen to the Chinese proverb: "If you are patient in one moment of anger, you will escape a hundred days of sorrow."
Stop Killing Yourself
In May 2000, the American Heart Association published a study led by Dr. Janice Williams of the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill.
They kept close tabs on 13,000 adults for a period of six years and found those who commonly blew up or got angry very easily were three times more likely to have a heart attack than those who controlled their anger.
Perfecting Patience
One of the best ways to get a grip on anger is to establish "red flag" behaviors, so when you begin to do stupid things, you realize it and stop in your tracks.
E-mail rage is a common example of anger uncontrolled. Have you ever sent an e-mail in a moment of anger and lived to regret it?
My solution? Give it a dawn, and upon reviewing your response the next day, if you still feel it says exactly what you need to say, then hit "send," but not before.
Ninety percent of the time you will erase the original response and start over, glad you didn't send. Give it a dawn, or count to 10, but do something that's not stupid.
Like sadness or fear, anger is an emotion. Don't let yours derail you and your reputation.
Jeff Corbett has done public speaking across the Southeast for many years. He lives in Statesville and can be reached at jeff@speak-well.com.
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