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We're all looking for a little respect

By Kelli Robinson | Statesville R&L

Published: June 12, 2008

In the social hierarchy, stay-at-home moms are often near the bottom of the list. Just a step below them, however, are the stay-at-home dads (as my colleague Joe Melton so aptly illustrated in his recent column.)
Every parenting magazine blatantly caters to moms, throwing in the occasional article for stay-at-home dads written in the style of "Ripley's Believe It Or Not!"

I have my own theory on the lack of respect lurking outside the stay-at-home parenting world. I'm calling it the Dangerfield Theory, a tribute to the comic who spent his entire career lamenting the respect he didn't receive.

This theory proposes that stay-at-home parents receive little respect, regardless of gender. However, gender determines the type of disrespect these parents receive. Stay-at-home dads are disrespected because they are viewed as too incompetent; stay-at-home moms earn little respect because they are considered too boring.

I tested my gender's portion of this theory last month at a wedding reception. Lots of small talk started the evening, including the famous question: "So, what do you do?" This wedding was my first social engagement since starting my freelance writing career. For the past five years, I've answered the question honestly — "I'm a stay-at-home mom" — and usually the conversation ended.

This time my reply was different enough to cause a pause. "I'm a stay-at-home mom and freelance writer." Eyes lit up and mouths opened. "Reeeeeaaally?" they said. Next thing I knew, I was the hit of the small-talk party. I was different, I was … interesting. My kids' antics were more intriguing in the context of material for my writing, instead of tales from my daily existence.

Does the misperception of stay-at-home parenting bother me? Sure. I'm a fairly interesting person. Truth be told, I would love to talk about anything besides potty training and kindergarten anxieties. But in social settings people often struggle with what to say to stay-at-home parents. The dads are too different, and

the moms aren't different enough.

With all that, would I trade my current life for anything in the world? Absolutely not.

Rodney Dangerfield spent his life looking for respect. I don't know if he ever found it. I've spent the past five years looking for answers to my kids' questions like "do reindeer have eyebrows?" and "why can't you see your own face?" I've searched for I Spy items on car trips and Scavenger Hunt objects in the backyard.

If I'm earning respect in the process, that's just icing on the cake. I can learn to live without the icing; the cake's always been my favorite part anyway.